Susan

Susan's gotten off the road
she was tired of that show
with all the twists, turns, and bumps
tired of lying to family
and of hurting friends
of hurting herself
and mostly, of crying in her pillow

she's started praying again
confession feels great!
she's even shared things with her friends

she has the support she needs
the help she's always craved
and the love she's always desired

it has been five years for Susan.
it's been five, long, difficult years
but she lately has felt accomplished
she's felt so strong and so secure

but now those five years have begun catching up.
Susan steps into the room, and gently closes the door.
This is not new, nor strange. It is all familiar to her.
She's been through this several times before.

All alone, Susan sits down on the ground.
She made her decision hours earlier
The where, the why, the how
no turning back now.

she's falling down a black hole
the room spins
she is ready for this
her heart is racing
her head is pounding
her stomach is churning
and underneath all of that
she is totally numb

Susan's back on that road
with all the twists, turns, and bumps
lying to her family
hurting friends
hurting herself
crying in her pillow

the praying again ceases
friends she trusted walk away
her family blindly loves her anyway
Susan strongly hates herself, and the world

this road is her enemy
the thing she hates most
but it is comfortable
it's reassuring
it's all that Susan knows