Daddy

Daddy never called her stupid.
But her sister heard those words.
She knew what stupid meant to Dad
and she knew when he would have called her that.

Daddy never called her fat.
But he talked about other women.
She heard how he described their bodies
and didn't want him to talk about her like that.

Daddy never hit her strongly.
But she knew he'd thrown the cats.
Although she had not a scratch on her,
she never wanted Daddy to be mad at her like that.

Daddy never yelled at her for going to church.
But he talked badly about the church she went to.
He didn't care much for religion at all,
and she knew that her faith was one of which he didn't approve.

Daddy sometimes said, "I love you."
He gave her absolutely everything.
But actions speak louder than words and gifts.
His attitude eventually created many rifts.

Daddy never managed to keep her real close.
Once she was old enough, she moved out into the world.
He was her financial support alone.
Everything else she insisted on doing on her own.

Daddy never wanted to be a daddy.
He never wanted baby girls.
He tried with all that he had
but never quite understood her world.

Daddy would be mad, she knows.
Daddy would call her stupid,
or fat,
or crazy,
or take something away.
Those are things of which she's afraid
So she decides to hide within herself
Worried he'll find out every day.

Call Me

Many people knew he was sick.
I had even heard from another friend.
But you told me yourself.
I eventually heard it from you.

Many people knew he was dying.
Many people knew he wasn't doing well.
But I heard it from you.
You kept me updated on how he was doing.

Many people knew when he died.
But I heard it from you.
You called me and told me that very night.
I became the messenger telling everyone else.

Many people knew when the viewing was.
Many people knew when the funeral was.
But you called me to make sure I knew.
I became a messenger once again.

Many people came to viewings.
The funeral home was beyond packed!
I gave you a hug, just as everyone else did.
It was good to see you were still breathing.

Many people came to the funeral.
I have never seen our church so busy.
But we made sure there was a moment with just the two of us.
I didn't even need to ask how you were. I knew.

Many people cried at the funeral.
I was crying too.
I could not see your face.
But I also knew when you were crying.

Many people saw you after the funeral.
You talked to a lot of people that day.
But I was the one who told you to call me later.
You agreed that I would hear from you soon.

Many people surrounded you when he died.
You were far from alone.
You and your mother both said you had lots of support.
But a week later, many were gone.

Everyone has work.
Everyone has school.
Everyone has their own families.
Things settle down, and they are gone.

I too have gone back to my life.
You also have gone back to yours.
School, friendships, homework
Things are back to what is called normal.

But I know you're hurting.
I know you're not exacty well.
I know you're angry, and fearful.
I know things will never exactly be the same.

Many people said, "Call if you need anything."
I tell you, "Call me if you don't need anything."
Call me regardless. Call me if it's to say, "I'm doing great!"
Call me if it's because you're dissolving into tears.

I will call you.
I will see you.
I will cry with you.
I will remember.

You have let me in.
You have kept me informed.
You have told me how you're doing.
I do not want to lose that now.

I am praying for you.
I am missing seeing you.
I am hurting for you.
I am loving you with all my heart.

I was one of the first to come.
You made certain of that.
I will be the last to leave.
You can count on that from me.

Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for letting me be there.
I will do what I can to not let you down.
You are my best friend. I cannot leave now.